Living With Depression

The brain is a curious organ. It can choose to make the chemicals that help in making you feel happy and it can choose to slow down or stop producing those chemicals. I know that there is more to living with depression than just a chemical change in the brain. Many outside factors assist in the process. Major stressors can lead to depression such as the loss of someone close to you, either in death or just a break up, car accidents, life in general such as bills, loss of a job, loss of a home, even having children can lend in the process of depression.

I am not sure when mine started exactly, but many of life's events seemed to push me over the edge. The overwhelming feeling of sadness isn't all there is. At times in my life, I have had the intense urge to end my own life. Many people can't grasp why someone would think that suicide is the way out of any situation, but I can. It is an overwhelming sense that the stresses and situations and feelings you have aren't going to go away or get better.

Let me give you a little background history on my life. Growing up, I never had many friends. From the time I was in first grade, my peers put me down... And I don't just mean silly name calling, we are talking about serious character demeaning. I was called everything from a slut to a whore. (I hear your thoughts... "In first grade, I can't believe that"!) Well, sadly it is true. I never seemed to fit in anywhere... My religion (or lack of) and my social status were not equal that of my peers. I came from a Middle Class family, however my peers were of the Higher Class. They teased me about my looks, my clothes, my not being from an LDS family... To these people I was the dirt on the bottom of their shoes. As I got older, it didn't get any easier. I was never in the "popular" crowd... I didn't play sports, and I was no where near being a cheerleader. I was the girl that always seemed to try too hard to fit in. What friends I did have, never really seemed to stay around very long. As I got into High School, it became even harder to find good friends and for them to stick around... Some how we always ended up going our separate ways. Other girls constantly wanted to "beat me up", and a few tried. As for boyfriends, we were in high school, they only wanted one thing. I had a few guy friends, and they were alway the best to hang out with, but they never saw me as anything more than a friend or a sister... Even once I graduated high school and entered the work force, (as what I thought was working with adults,) I have found that women hated me and talked bad about me behind my back. The terms never changed though throughout the years, still the same old slut and whore.

Over time all of these things have added up and pulled me down. Things really started getting harder after I had both of my kids. The things that use to make me happy, no longer helped. I started sleeping all the time. Things around the house didn't get done. It not only affected me, but the rest of my family. I wish I could say that it gets easier with talking to someone or with medication, but it doesn't. It takes a lot of hard work. Daily I have to force myself to do something that I use to enjoy. Things such as baking, crafting, getting out of the house. It is a struggle daily. When it would be easier to just stay in bed and sleep all day, I have to force myself to get up.

When many people think of depression, they see it as a weakness. That the person just needs to stop being lazy or move on from whatever it is that is causing the depression. But it doesn't work like that. It is a long process. But I can say that there are days that I feel really good and days that I still feel really bad.

Here is a link on depression from WebMD www.webmd.com/depression

If you know someone who might have depression, please read this information and get them help as soon as possible.